Destroy Boys have been on the road all year, taking on festivals and intimate venues packed with diehard fans. Their true punk sound and beliefs crosses through most social barriers, creating a coveted “third space” for my generation—and others. I was invited on behalf of Destroy Boys and Hopeless Records to their sold-out set at The Independent in San Francisco, a casual listener due to algorithmic recommendations, looking forward to seeing what the group had to offer. Though recent controversies could have called for the group to pause, it only reinvigorated their love for performance. It is said that “true punks” are marked by their commitment to putting their words into action, and Destroy Boys certainly does just this. Everything, from keeping every show all-ages to inviting groups to open for them who might not have been given the chance by others, showcases the band’s core values. Punk rock was never designed to be palatable for the masses; but for those who really need it, events like Destroy Boys’ sold-out show prove to be a home-away-from-home where they can be their most authentic self, free of limitations or judgements. There are more people who share these core values than what may appear in day-to-day-life. Going against the grain is a deeply isolating experience; many of us don’t find solace until our 20s, after undergoing more trials and tribulations than other peers could even fathom. Though technically recreational, these shows are a complete necessity for kids (and adult kids…like me) who are trying to get through it or reclaim lost time due to an incessant desire to fit in that overtook too much of their youth, before realizing that it’s never worth it.

The first opening act of the evening was a band called Fatale. They were impressive from the moment they took the stage; their presence, paired with unbridled technical skill, made for a captivating performance. The dynamics between lead and backing vocals created perfect contrast, adding depth to their songs. Sometimes, it’s tricky for punk songs to translate from recordings to live performances. Fatale, however, used these nuances to develop a captivating live set. This will help them avoid the stereotypical fate of opening acts, doomed to a career in obscurity. Instead, they can leave their mark by honing in on the group’s complimentary opposites, a sort of yin-yang effect that can set them apart. Their confidence was enough to earn several new fans in the audience. I watched as moments clicked for individuals, a twinkle in an eye emerging for resonant lyrics. It’s so important to feel seen in media; supporting local acts serves as a reminder that there are more people like you making music you need than what is often shown within mainstream spaces. Inviting new, emerging artists to play shows with established fanbases allows the family tree to grow extended branches. Fatale’s performance is just step one in what will certainly be a voluminous career, and one day I’ll add them to my lengthy list of “I saw these guys open for (insert band here). Please give me Cool Points.”

This three-band bill was fully curated to highlight critical core values, and Boyswitch was the perfect fit for this role. A trans flag had been displayed on their drum kit since doors opened, telling the audience what we needed to know before the show even started. The group’s passion for their music was contagious, encouraging the rest of us to really listen to what they were saying. Punk rock has always been political, however, politics in music has been rather contentious lately due to the current state of….everything! Seeing artists like Boyswitch actively speak out against real issues was reassuring, suggesting that punk’s roots are more important than ever before. A saturated social media landscape insinuates that people might not care, or might care for the wrong reasons. Thankfully, there are still people out there willing to fight for those who may not have a voice to speak in echo chambers, whether behind a blue screen or face-to-face with a disgruntled uncle at Thanksgiving dinner. This reaffirms my “third space” thesis statement, deepening the need for arts in communities that represent all people. San Francisco specifically faces disparities in race and class issues unlike anywhere else in the country, despite its diversified veneer. I’m typing this as I sit in my comfortable apartment that I share with my father in the adjacent town to my uppity, hoity-toity country club hometown just across the Caldecott Tunnel from the city. Boyswitch has seen these issues first-hand, creating performance art based on jarring real-world circumstances in a pivotal election year. Whether this is in their personal lives or simply observed, Boyswitch has taken critical topics and confidently pushed forward with them, despite the potential for mainstream pushback. This is how movements begin; getting a room full of people to actively listen to you for a 30-minute set, vocally agreeing with what you have to say, asserts the fact that you are doing something right. Plus, their overall musical ability was simply fantastic—kudos, especially to the drummer of the group, who was right next to me, shredding the heck out of their well-tuned kit from start to finish.

Truly sticking to what they believe in, Destroy Boys invited representatives of a local organization called “Mental Health First Oakland” to discuss their approach to mental health crises. This non-profit de-criminalizes mental health crises by doing everything possible to avoid police involvement, as this can quickly escalate situations. This community can only survive with these resources when everything feels like it is at stake. They offered their phone number [(510) 999-9641] for anyone who may need their services.

Admittedly, I had not paid attention to what day it was, despite my usual annual tradition of sending a “do you remember” text to my best friend from high school. So, when Destroy Boys made their grand entrance to “September” by Earth, Wind, and Fire, I was a bit confused, until I wasn’t. From there, I had to maintain professional composure as I recorded Instagram stories for GSM without my loud cackles overtaking the scene. Punk rock is both very serious and unserious all at once. Great artists know when it’s okay to be silly and bask in the light of whimsy. Straight up, that entrance was hilarious.

As a casual listener, I was admittedly more privy to the band’s reputation due to my chronic internet addiction. I’m not proud of said addiction; so, for every artist I’m assigned to, I tend to angle my reviews through the lens of the fans, articulating points based on artistic merit alone. I get hundreds of submissions monthly, and several daily. It would be disingenuous of me to give five-star reviews to everything that ends up in my inbox without touching on current events in their world. Thankfully, I organically like sounds along the lines of Destroy Boys’ style. The riot-grrrl-infused pre-show playlists were like home to me, allowing me to get into the groove effortlessly. Still, no artist in my editorial history has been as wrongfully crucified as Destroy Boys, in my opinion. The environment was incredibly welcoming when the doors opened and the crowd found their place along the GA floor. People from all walks of life aligned the music hall, a grand display of color spanning across each corner of the sold-out venue. I suspended disbelief for a moment, forgetting all the vitriol that had unwillingly been placed on my social feeds. I knew Destroy Boys was a good band, even a great band, from a sonic perspective. Alexia Roditis offers incredible vocal stylings, undoubtedly among the best in the scene. I was also impressed by their commanding, yet effortless stage presence that overtook the entire set.

I even got to feel a bit represented, too; it was near tear-jerking as an alt-Latina to hear resonant lyrics sung to me in Spanish. Songs like “Amor divino” were deeply resonant. I have been faced with the daunting task of figuring out what romantic love looks like for me as I navigate my 20s after a tumultuous dating life. I’ve decided I know what I want thanks to a persistent, relentless (perhaps teetering towards embarrassing) schoolgirl crush, but I continually struggle with feeling inferior due to rejection being the perceived default result. You never know what someone may be going through, nor who may be impacted by your music. A direct peer could hang onto your words just as well as a stranger.

I wondered if the band would address the controversies at all during their hour-long performance. I almost hoped they didn’t, but wound up glad they did; it isn’t fair to make a band’s reputation the primary focus of everything they do, especially when they had zero control over the reputation they have been handed. However, the way it was handled was incredibly impressive. The focus was not necessarily to name and shame recent perpetrators of sketchy risky business. Instead, guitarist Violet Mayugba eloquently conveyed her stance; sometimes, even adults have the potential to be taken advantage of when significant power dynamics are at play. I am grateful that most of the guys in my favorite bands are good-natured people and some of them are even excellent collaborators of mine. The ones I got close enough to care about are, at least. Unfortunately, that is not the case for everyone and sometimes people never grow out of stagnant periods where they may have peaked, forever chasing that fleeting, self-aggrandizing high in the wrong places, drawing others into unfathomably complex cycles they have no business being brought into in their 20s when all they want is to share love with someone they admire. It felt good when the medium-famous object of my teenage emo band phase affections called me pretty after spending several isolated “weird kid” years yearning, too. It feels hypocritical to protect some “victims” and shame others knowing biases are impacting perspectives being formed. Her on-stage focus shifted from valid, noticeable anger paired with perhaps a hint of regret to discussing a recent journey of self-love and empowerment after being taken advantage of as a starry-eyed young professional with big dreams. Sadly, I do know how she feels and am proud of the way she stood up for herself.

“This is not the only love that you will receive,” she stated.

Amen to that!

Shortly thereafter, I helped an incredibly shy, quiet girl next to me with her belongings as she excitedly ran into a “no boys allowed” pit. The band encouraged the audience to take up space, where we are otherwise encouraged to make ourselves smaller, or more convenient. I thought about this heavily as I trudged on home through Civic Center BART, an admittedly dangerous feat going solo in the middle of the night. But truthfully, being represented through songs made for people who “get yelled at when they’re just walking down the street” really helped that night’s journey homeward bound. Melodies rang in my ear with two distorted guitars taking up residence in my brain until the next morning. Mayugba and touring guitarist Enzo Malaspina are a great professional, creative pair; their on-stage chemistry veers towards real-life friendship, something that cannot be forged when drenched by a blinding spotlight. His subject expertise and charisma allowed Mayugba to play what she felt, which was clearly needed in this stage of her life.

Mayugba’s family was also in the audience to support their daughter’s sold-out performance, with a “mom and dad” chant breaking out in the audience, emphasizing the crowd’s homey essence. My cousin’s friend David Orozco pulled some killer basslines all evening. However, once again, the humility of the band, paired with the community they raised, was highlighted as he needed help reading the setlist without his glasses. I also did not wear my glasses to the show and could not assist him with reading the setlist. The fans near him happily guided him through, ensuring that he did not miss a single beat.

Their set was comprehensive, spanning across various points of their discography while still retaining that one-hour timespan—which was great for me as I navigated public transportation. Each of their songs were met with gigantic choruses of backup singers in the audience, who knew every word like it was effortlessly ingrained into their psyche. A pair of fans even got engaged, with Roditis recalling fond memories with the pair as they had all grown up together at these shows. Once again, this is the coveted “third space” everyone so craves.

The choice is yours—you can choose to align with one narrative of Destroy Boys and their history. Or, you can stand on the side of growth for change. It would be absurdly hypocritical to crave the presence of bands who take time out of their set to say “free Palestine” or wish for more truly diverse LGBT+ representation in lead singers while single-handedly placing the blame on one group of young people who still have a lot to learn. I am a young person who still has a lot to learn. However, I would much rather give my peers, who grew up just about 60 miles northeast of me, a bit more grace. They put on an incredible show thanks to their earnest lyricism and tactful musicianship. I’m not the same person I was five years ago, and thankfully, the people who have grown alongside me allow me to make changes as I go, so I am extending these values to new people I meet along my journey.

Punk bands are always going to be controversial. That’s the whole point.

But I’d rather let people grow up while expressing these changes in their art, and Destroy Boys is already doing an amazing job at that.